Being me...

i feel miserable...


I feel lousy...


I feel useless...


I haf so many things i wanna do and tell to my closed ones, my dear frens including myself...


But i cannot bring myself to do it... i jus can't...

It seems like that in my life, i cannot accomplish anything right... i feel bad.. really... there were so many times tt i wanna do good, do well... but it often turned out otherwise... u might say tt if i try harder eventually i will make it...

yea i agree with tt saying... but tell me how wld u feel if the things jus dun go right every consecutive time?? my exams, my homework, my social life, my life... always has been... tts y i hate to tok abt my past...

sumtimes i wish i can just end it all.... once and for all....

Happy Birthday Sherri... =)

well.. attended Sherri's party last night... big event it was!! 70+ guests attended the party haha..

well headed down to the condo where the party was held with Jeremy.. reached abt 5 plus.... tink 5.30 in the afternoon.... which was quite early.. so we, zhimin, kailing, sherri's sister and bf helped out to complete the finishing touches of the decorations at the place... after that we sat down and had a little chat...

well not long after the guests came flowing in... haha... and oh my... i did not know almost everyone who stepped in (hoho!!) haha well, the invite list was ranging from secondary sch to family members... so that explains... haha but well she does know ALOT of frens lolx!! good for her!! ;) lolx!!

unfortunately, jeremy had to attend to sumting halfway thru the party and left me alone... haha well maybe tt explained why i was sooooo quiet!! haha but luckily i had zhimin and kailing to tok to... lolx... haha.. well i'm still very much a low profile guy la... but still, i enjoyed the party very much, the atmosphere was very joyous... therefore, I would like to thank Sherri for inviting me and jeremy to the party!!

oh well, still happy for the birthday gal.. she enjoyed the party thoroughly...

Happy 21st Birthday Sherri...

...A milestone in life

...Cherish the moment.

(PS. I met sherri during a packing job assignment together with jeremy)

Spring cleaning!!

argh!! nowadays been tasked with spring cleaning tasks... by order of my mum.. lolx...

well... major tasks like cleaning the window, cleaning the toilet, clearing of stuff are in my scope of assigned tasks... phew!

oh well... the work had started and i shld stop whining (hoho!!)

here goes....

4.18km...

well yea.. tts how far i ran today....


but well... too bad i had to slow down at certain parts of the run... and tt means i cannot handle the distance.. haiz.. rather demoralising... but i hope i can improve faster.. back to my GLORY days!! hoho!! =) oh ya not forgetting my two running mates, bunny and prawn!! great running with u guys!! ;)

well.. too tired to type le... well yah... cheerio!

Yo..

well jus came back frm watching a horror movie...


yes yes yes.. me watching a horror movie hoho!!


well i must thank jeremy for inviting me for the show... he had won a pair of tics for "The House" thru a SMS movie quiz you see... yea...


well... the movie was ok only... a very typical horror movie i wld say... so ya, i wun tok amuch abt it... lolx! but look out for the twist at the end if u r planning to watch it... ;)


well... as of right now i haf nth to type abt... jus a qn... short and interesting....

Are you a Bio-Robot?

Well this photo is taken jus this morning when i was on my way to sch... the sky was so gentle and blue... saw the backdrop of trees and snapped this... nice?

The End...

Well.. Jus finished watching the last episode of "The Golden Path"


A decent ending I shld say.. but too abrupt... but well... all in all, a very good show!! expect awards for this drama serial!!

Yeap... in the show, theres this character in this show, Kai Jie, played by the handsome hunk Tay Ping Hui.... he acted the role very well but well my point is not abt this... its abt the development of the character, Kai Jie...

All of you who watched the serial, must know tt hes a bad-to-the-core villian in the show.... well... being an reflector, i've analysed the the character... lolx! so here goes:

• He and Jin Long (Lee Nanxing) were logger heads during their childhood days, always picking on each other.

• With such bad terms, the fact that his mother, xiao gu (Chen Li Ping) falling in love with jin Long's father worsens his stand against jin long, and thus start developing hatred towards jin Long and suspicions on the motive of Jin long's father's marriage proposal to xiao gu.

• Then, kaijie was still a boy so it was inevitable for him to have naive and stubborn thots. Moreover, he still misses his late paternal father and he thinks its not right for his mother to remarry, especially the fact tt the groom was Jin long's father.

• With much to despair, Kaijie did sumthing which brought abt the turning point of the fate of the family: Kaijie called the police to arrest Jin Long's father who was then a wanted man for robbing a bank. In the end, Jin Long's father shot himself in the head.

• However, Xiao Gu still accepted Jin Long and his sister, Jin feng and treated them as her own children. Such an outcome proved to be too unacceptable. The young Kaijie thus hated them to the core... the seed of hatred had started to grow in the young boy's heart, sparking an irreversible agenda....

• As time passed, kaijie took advantage of his closeness to jin feng to manipulate the duo. It is this move which brought abt the various milestone of the show.

Well yea.. thats my analysis of the character...

Why kaijie persisted in his grudge against the Jin duo? well... frm wat i see and feel... it all started frm the marriage proposal. A young mind is always unstable and very easily influenced. He could haf forget and try to accept the Jin duo but it is his strong willed and stubborn nature, fuelled by his existing bias against them that rooted the foundation of hate deep in his mind. And due to the lack of direction and counselling frm xiao gu, it grew and manifested in his mind.

Well anyway, a great show!! =D

~

So you see... a human mind can be moulded... it can be for the good or for the bad. As you can see, how poisonous a human mind can get... and how ppl fall victims to such minds....

Why the complexity? Why the tanglement?

~

Day 2...

its day 2 of the PT session...


had circuit training... very tiring but refreshing... thanks bunny for the lead!! lolx


my hands are weak now...


myyy hannds are ggoing oooout of controlllllll....

-_-"

Hmmm.. sumthing i've observed...

yea... it is sumthing tt i've observed for sum time already....

As most of you know tt i'm a MRT guy (a guy who likes taking train rather than bus) lolx... yea and bcos of this, i've come to observe the many faces is see daily in the trains.... well, at first i thot it maybe fatigue, but as days goes by, and with variations in boarding timings within a day... i noticed something....




Practically, the faces i see everytime are often solemn, sumtimes with a worried look...




well.. it kinda affects my mood too u noe? haha.. tts y i like to listen to songs in trains whenever i can... or else my emo-ness will be amplified!! LOLX! well yah... coming back to my point... well does this tells us tt the overall mental health of singaporeans plagued by stress and problems?? well to be frank, not only in trains i see this, but on the streets, in coffee shops....

With the economy of the coutry doing so well, has it brought misery to the society instead??

wats ur thot on this?

shagged...

My whole body's aching now....

haha... ytd went training with bunny and prawn... haha...it flopped... OH! nono... to be exact, I flopped... well... too long haf i been slacking.... when i wanna go the distance, my engine died on me... haiz.. sry guys... but hope as the days go by, i'll improve ;)

Oh ya...at bunny's hse i also got to try the game "Call Of Duty 4 - modern warfare" oh my god... it was totally engrossing!! the gameplay is extremely intense as if u are at the battle scene itself!! the in game music is good too, nvr failing to create tt tensed atmosphere in combat... haha... very good graphics!!

well my rating? 4.5/5!!!!

=)

well...

today, when i was on my way home.... saw a dog gnawing on its owner's newspaper, which was rolled up and clasped in the owner's hand... it was quite an interesting scene... upon seeing this, images of dogs chasing people, biting people came into my mind.... I reckon most likely for these incidents are most probably due to the mental health of the dog itself...

hmmm... if we humans haf so called mental problems... do dogs haf it too?? i'm sure they do.. but how do we diagnose it? i'm still a boo boo in this area.. sumone pls enlighten me? =)

keke.. yeap... still remember 張雨生?? i believe most of you know him?? well yea... and how many of you consider him as a talent?? well... I do..

hmmm for those who wants to refresh his/her memory of him, there are some kind souls who got the late singer wikipedia-ed... 张雨生 (click on the name to view the site) =)

Well, been listening to sum of his hit songs... how nostalgic~

Well here are sum of the songs i found on youtube.. enjoy!!

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well... all these talk, all these comments.... well thanks for the opinions said...


I feel like an empty shell... soul-less...


Like I said in my friendster... "MufFled CoNfiDencE, SiLenCeD DeTerMinAtiOn, SuPrEsSed ViGouR"

Its not tt i wanna be like this.. but i really cannot bring myself to it... Many had happened during my course of life... well i'm sure u might be wondering i'm jus 24yrs old... wats so troubling? i haven step out of this world to fully understand the misery of the the real world... yes, tt u r right...

But i'm sure everyone of you know urself right? well i've evaluated myself... and i see a complete failure in life... well sumtimes i feel my very existence is a joke... maybe i shldn't be born in the first place....

haiz... this is not another ordinary post... jus wanna tell u guys wat i really feel... having said all these, hope u jus keep this to urself... no point trying to reason with me... this is me...

but not all's lost... hope i can change for the better...

if the society has a place for me....

i can only hope....

Loose thots...

well guys, i think tink i haf a mental problem.... Nowadays, i've been having loose thots tt cloud my mind and make my mood sway like trees in monsoon winds...

~

so u might be wondering wat loose thots tt i might haf... well.. the thots are abt everything.. :) my life, happy stuff, unhappy stuff, stuff tt i'm afraid, stuff i like, thots of my future, thots of my Existence, ppl i've met, ppl i will probably meet... the list goes on....

~

well loose thots are harmless most of the time... but wat if they come in a swarm?? i say it will practically swallow u up... mentally of cos... well i'm sure tt most of you wun haf this kind of problem but for me, one who likes to let his mind wonder... okok... simply say its day dream hoho!! the tendency is very high.... ok well i will nt exactly say its day dream, day dream means u jus laze arnd, imagining fantasies in your biological server of yours... however, mine's different... the things i tink of, not imagine, are very much in relevance to my daily live or my life... i can't say much of it, its jus too overwhelming...

~

well this manifestation of thots is not sumthing i will deem healthy but i haf no choice against it i'm afraid... it robs me of my situational judgment, sumtimes even common sense... well very bad i noe... but thru years of 'experience', i am very much in control of myself...

~

wats contradicting is, instead of suppressing it whenever i can, i allow it to manifest... well it brings a wave of ecstasy, mental ecstasy i call it... and somehow it brings a sense of comfort.... whenever i'm upset with anything... tts y sumtimes u see me quiet sumtimes... and rather solemn... =)

~

Well i've come to the end of this post.... tata~

Are You Happy?

Yes.. this is one question tt has been in my thots for quite sum time le...

Yeap... ask urself.. "Am I happy? Am I truly happy??"

Are you?

well.. you may say "i haf a car, a family, a job" yes.. on the surface, yes u r happy cos u haf everything u haf in this society...

Now, wat is happy to you? how do you define happy? In the dictionary it says "Enjoying, showing, or marked by pleasure, satisfaction, or joy." Yes, having a family, a job and all gives us the security we need, be it mental or physical.... and yeap.. u derive pleasure, satisfaction and joy frm these...

but you hear people saying "We humans are greedy" so that means that we are always not satisfied? and thus we will feel not as happy as we are supposed to be? contradicting right?

So wat is it tt u really want? are those things tt u truly wan? or is it defined by the society?

Well, being happy to me is, doing things that u really like, no constraints, no second thots. well i think in this society, so distorted and vile, it is very hard for sumone to be truly happy...

well... i would like to see wat u guys think!!! so feel free, if theres any, comment and add on a few views yourself!! =)

Vexille...

well... its the 2nd day of sch after the year end break...

hmmmm... am still in abit of a holiday mood which is alarming.. lolx but well i noe myself, i'll get back on track soon enuf so no worries! lolx...

met up with ZK and Prawn today for movie!! yeap... the show we watched was VEXILLE. its a japanese anime movie

yeap... this is it... vexille... a very sleek anime movie... the story is about japan at year 2067 where japan is very ambitious in its developing its robots, androids to be precise... however the UN opposed to the idea claiming it will be a threat to human kind. Determined, Japan eventually made the drastic move of withdrawing from the UN. To further deter any intervention, it seals itself up using high tech jamming sys C.A.S.E that made radio contact and visual imaging impossible. Japan becomes an enigma.... 10 years later, a special task force S.W.O.R.D was formed and is tasked to infiltrate the country and stop this crisis. Vexille is one of the member of S.W.O.R.D she had to evade detection and capture after a failed mission to establish contact within japan. however, a rebel group saved her and together they plan to strike back at Daiwa, the company which is responsible for developing the robot technology. As days go by... the dark truth slowly unravels... well.. there's too much to say.. haha.. but wat i've said was the outline of the show... yea...those interested can wait for the DVD/VCD (hope got!!) lolx... a good plot, nice graphics, cool character and outfit designs...

A rating of 4/5

wee!~

hello...

hmmm... guess wat am i thinking now?


Nth... absolutely nth.... =/ well... the year 2008 had started all right.. but i haf this pesky lil feeling tt is telling me tt i'm still not ready... hmmm.. i guess maybe my gear house* is right? i can't be sure....

alright.. maybe its normal...man's resistance to change... but i'm wondering.. wat if there were no years... jus live ur life everday.. no calendar... lolx then i wld haf lived for 8600++ days of my life already... phew!

well yea.. yesterday was kinda fun.. i had the priviledge of having two GREAT singers to sing K with me!!! woot!! and they are none other than SHERRI AND ZHIMIN!!! i must say they haf good good vocals!! maybe they shld join the proj superstar!! lolx... and ytd was also my first time hearing zhimin sing.. and oh my.. how well she sang!! she has a very unique voice!! haha looking forward to further singing sessions with them!!!

yea... after that went for a talk by SPI @Safra TPY with steven and guys.... well.. talk was interesting but kinda boring.. LOLX! then after which they proceeded to MOS for a happy night but i chose not to join them for this time round.. jus didn't haf the feeling to go club... next time guys... the year jus started =] and ya.. proceeded home after bidding good bye to them at clarke quay...

~

however, today.... is a very stark difference compared to ytd... utterly boring to the max!!! furthermore i'm having class tmr.. it adds up to the boredom man... sheesh! well hope the coming week will be a happier one..=D

till then... cheerio!!

*as for gear house, refer to my past posts ;)

My apologies...

I know i've thrown myself into bad lights here. wat was done was not very nice.

Sorry for walking off jus like tt... yes, very mood dampening..

I must say tt i wasn't all green with the clarke quay idea at all... in fact i was against it but reluctantly agreed to it (which led to the deciding factor of my attire and eventually the big mistake of the night and thus i'm sorry for tt again).

Furhtermore, my mood was affected before even meeting u guys... well nvm... The crowd @ clarke quay was over powering and if u noticed, i dun like crowded places. It gave me an uneasy feeling... it accumulated until it got to a point tt its totally unbearable jus like a volatile substance waiting to be combusted. It was at this point, came a spark (i wun say who or wat) and on the spot, i snapped.

Absurd it might seem, but then i jus wanted to get out of the place as soon as possible. Too much guilt and anguish (of myself) overcame me.

well.. i'm sorry for everything... but sumtimes i tink, is there a need to be so ceremonial? i'm not saying u shld not but given tis instance, whereby its not very well planned and concrete, why force sumthing out of it? (ok... this is jus a question and its subjective on my part but give it a thot.)

All in all, I'm truly sorry

However, its hard for me to see u guys the way i used to... wats done had jolted my confidence and integrity as a fren.

On a lighter note...

=]

.

watched 2 movies back to back today... fun..

well... both movies are nice in their own way =) I am Legend is very much like the movie "28 weeks later".. its abt a virus which turned many into walking, sun-fearing zombies, and exterminated almost all of the world's population... ironically the virus was supposed to be a wonder medicine tt can cure cancer... Robert Neville (Will Smith) is the lone survivor of new york city... hes immune to the virus... the movie depicts how he survived with his dog, samantha against the fearsome horde of the infected... several frightening scenes... not bad a story... A decent show!! a rating of 3.5/5

hmmm well...

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as for AVP 2, remember the very last scene of AVP 1? where there a new alien is born onboard the predator ship? well.. tt infant is a mixed breed of predator and alien... they call it PREDALIEN... lol! well.. a very typical alien movie... pedator and alien meet,

they fight and at the end after one big explosion, its all over.. lol!! but if u ask me which one i prefer, i would say its AVP 1... hmmm...due to the covert nature of the 2 creatures... u dun see them much in full body.. lolx.. but still watchable.. but i think its better u wait for the VCD... lol

hmmm a rating of 2.7/5

ok till then.. cheerio